Apparently getting engaged is an open invitation for people to comment on your appearance. I think we can all agree that asking someone if they think that they 'need to go on a diet' is rude. It implies that you think that they need to lose some weight. However for some reason people think it is an appropriate question to ask when you're planning a wedding (it's not). I hadn't realised how getting married can put so much pressure on you to look your best. Obviously I knew I wanted to look and feel good on the day and have some nice pictures, but other than that it wasn't something I was obsessing over- until everyone else was. And the thing that kick started it all was my first bridal appointment...
I'm a UK size 10/12 and there was one dress in the boutique that I visited that I couldn't even pull past my hips. At the time it made me feel enormous. I am not enormous. The average dress size in the UK is a 16. So why do most bridal shops stock dresses that are too small for the average bride? I understand stocking a few dresses in smaller sizes so that slimmer women can see some dresses that fit them properly, but why have most of the dresses in small sizes and neglect the majority of brides? A dress that is too big can be pegged, one that you can't pull past your thighs is bloody useless. There were only a couple of dresses that I couldn't pull up but most of them wouldn't fasten up and I'd like to emphasize that I'm a smaller size than the national average! I found the experience pretty damaging on my self esteem and as a potential customer I just think that it was a bad service. I should have left the appointment feeling excited and happy but I left feeling fat and insecure.
The next shock for me was the amount of weight loss products being pushed at wedding fairs. Generally speaking weight loss supplements, teas, shakes and fad diets are stupid and dangerous for the mind and the body. If you want to get fit then please just have a healthy balanced diet and exercise, taking laxatives and having a liquid diet is never a good idea. The first time I saw this type of thing being promoted at a fair made my blood boil. I'd gone there to think about organza bows, venues and photography - not to be told I should be tackling the chub.
Similarly, every time I eat a vegetable someone asks if I'm trying to lose weight for the wedding. It is quite an innocent question but hearing it time and time and time again it got to me Should I lose weight? Am I too fat to look good in a wedding dress? The answer to both of those questions is NO! Regardless, most wedding magazines and Facebook groups constantly talk about how to lose weight in the run up to the big day. It can be easy to get sucked in and while I've been prepping for the wedding there have been points where I've felt awful about how I look. The most effective thing I've done to give myself a more positive outlook is to have a social media cull. If you're in a group that pushes diet shakes, leave it. If you're following a celebrity that endorses detox teas, unfollow them. If your Instagram feed is full of Facetune and Photoshop then unfollow all the the offending accounts. Make a conscious effort to consume content that you find positive and inspiring, not fake and unattainable.
When you're getting married you get asked a million questions on how you want to look and everyone wants to give you their opinion on how you should look. I'm not talking about chatting with a friend and them asking how you're having your hair or your nails. It is distant relatives, acquaintances and sometimes even strangers asking you personal questions, and implying that you shouldn't be yourself on your wedding day.
So if you were wondering:
- No I'm not going on a diet.
- No I'm not taking up running or joining a gym.
- No I won't be covering my tattoos.
- No I'm not going on the sunbed.
- No I'm not fake tanning.
On a more positive note if you are getting married I strongly recommend picking up a copy of Rock and Roll Bride form WHSmiths. They never talk about fad diets! They also have a really great Facebook group with an amazing supportive community.
Some advice from me to you:
- Find an outfit you love and wear it regardless of what anyone else says.
- Don't crash diet! Planning a wedding is stressful enough without being hungry and irritable.
- Expect to feel gross in a lot of wedding dresses - not everything will suit you!
- Focus on the compliments. People will tell you how nice you look when you're at dress fittings, hair trials, makeup trials and on the day itself. Take that to heart not the insults.
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